Bliss

An Oscar Mayer commercial came on last night where the wienermobile is shown heading down the road on its way to a big spelling bee. Later in the spot we see the contestants spelling BO-LO-G-N-A, but first we get to watch the giant hotdog driving into an underground parking garage.

“There goes the huge wiener into the tunnel,” Jude said, literally nudge-nudging me, then glancing, then repeating, “driving that big hotdog deep into the tunnel.”

“Um-hmm,” I answered.

“I’m gonna stop joking around with you,” she said, arms folded. “You don’t appreciate my stuff. I guess I’m going to need to sharpen up my material before we head off to your big family reunion Banterfest 2007.”

My baby believes in giving jest a rest, that’s true. Instead she’s focused on the world around us, on people, and on every beautiful thing that catches her eye. She has no patience for bad service or bad driving, but she feels genuinely for anybody who’s been harmed or mocked or who's received some good news. And she can spend a great deal of time (believe me) admiring and absorbing a piece of art.

When I’m touched by art, I immediately want to know more about the artist. Jude, though, just wants to know where she can see more of the art. Art is like food for her, while for me it’s like conversation. For Jude, conversation is conversation – talk of joys and troubles – and food, by golly, is one of the fine arts. You should see the food she cooks for us. It’s beautiful. That’s why, for me, having Jude cook us a meal and then sit down to talk over it is the best thing I can imagine.

I fell in love with Jude the first moment I ever saw her. I thought she was grounded (she is) and I thought she was sultry (verily, she is). On one of our first dates she brought a nice pinot noir over and I didn’t have any wine glasses, so we drank it out of the bottle, shyly wiping the lip with our sleeves as we passed it back and forth over our lasagna.

We don't have kids, and I don't think we will unless somebody leaves one on the stoop. But Jude raised Tony and Lacey, and now they both have kids so we're like renters instead of owners; we just have to return them, clean and on time, with the tanks full. They love Jude because her heart is rich with experience and they can sense that she's experiencing them. She makes them feel safe and she comes up with endless arts and crafts projects for them, long after I'd have put them in front of the TV.

Early in our relationship, she talked me into quitting a job I hated, and she moved with me all the way to Virginia, leaving behind everybody she knew in the world. My Dad told me once that a relationship requires submission, and I only came to understand that with Jude (again, verily!). There’s nothing either of us wouldn’t give up for the other’s happiness, understanding instinctively that it’s worth it, that we actually gain from it. On July 4, 1999, she married me and it still amazes me that, every day, I find I love her even more.