Jude left some outbound dry-cleaning hanging on the front doorknob this morning, and she gave me a
The Washman is right across the street from Burgerville. If you don’t live in the
As an added bonus, today I get the carwash buttnugget who's going to tell me that they no longer honor the 6-for-$25 deal – that was a holiday offer, you see.
“Where’s the expiration date?”
“Well, see, this is nothing, OK. This is just an ad selling the offer, but we don’t even have this anymore.”
“You don’t have carwash coupons?”
“No – yes, we do.”
“Good, give me 6 for $25.”
“Well, we have the coupons and it’s pretty much the same deal now but you get 5 for $25.”
“But it’s pretty much the same?”
“Yeah.”
“Good, then give me 6 for $25.”
And on like that until they pony up, and all the time I’m enjoying my sweet fries, using the force on this guy.
Then, the dry cleaner, Mrs. Chow. “Oooooh, long time no see!” she says.
“I know, look at me – I’m wet and filthy.” She laughs her ass off; "better get dry clean, then!" she says. My sense of humor is well suited to people for whom English is a second language.
Back in the car I’ve got Al Franken’s whine-saucey show on the radio, and tonight is State of the Union Flyboy Smackdown.
“What do we want?”
“The least bad way out of
“When do we want it?”
“As soon as possible without allowing the situation to further devolve into an utterly chaotic bloodbath!”
Finally, I head back toward work, but I still have about 15 minutes and about 15 fries. I work right near the airport, south of Mt St Helens (I’ll try to get a shot next time the steam spews) and west of Mt Hood. At the airport, we have an Air National Guard base. The F-15s take off and land several times daily, patrolling the spacious skies for suspicious guys. I can park right at the end of the runway and see the jet bellies as they launch. Fries with that, please! Sweet Masters & Johnson!
Today, no jets, but a nice view. See? We’re getting an Ikea, so there will finally be something to do around here.
6 comments:
We got an IKEA. Got all excited. Wandered through with the crushing crowds. Realized it sucks. Haven't gone back.
1.) Lobster on a stick? I love food-on-a-stick. I’d enjoy an entire food-on-a-stick restaurant.
2.) Not a holiday?? What kinda buttnugget car wash do you go to? Clearly, it’s Superbowl Season! And when you drive up they should say “Happy Superbowl Season to you, Sir! Do you have any coupons?”
3.) You and I use the same cleaners, apparently. Except mine is run by Mrs. Chang and when she says “Oooooh, long time no see Mr. Provost!” - and she always does - she follows it up with “Closet must be empty! You have on clean clothes? Ha ha ha…”
4.) My office windows face north toward Dobbins Air Reserve Base so I get to watch the fighter jets, F-18’s I believe, zip around which is super cool. They also have a lot of C-130’s cargo planes, which are so friggin’ huge they look as though they’re just going to drop out of the sky onto the densely populated office park I’m in as they strain to clear our 20-story buildings. And I’d get a perfect view of the whole thing.
I must admit, I'm always sitting there eating my fries and -- well, hoping is the wrong word -- but *picturing* a commercial crash.
Does your dry cleaner have the old woman in the corner who speaks zero English and is in a constant foreign conversation with the proprietress? How can she be at every dry cleaner in the world?
Yes! She sits at a sewing machine, but never sews anything.
She's The Oracle.
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