My brother’s got it going on. He walked into a dinky office with a card table about 8 years ago and said, “I’m quitting the radio announcing game. What do you do?” and somehow got hired. Now he’s living poolside – nothing but bitches and barbecue. I asked him, “Keith, what’s your secret?” and he said,
“Well, about 9 yar ago,” (that’s how he talks) “I got word that my father was in the hospital, dying.” (I didn’t even know about this.) “And like most great men, I’d never been close to my father. But I collected my cash, got a bus ticket, and rode on out to see him. He looked so frail there in his hospital bed with his jello and, well, it just got to me. We didn’t speak for several moments. Then my distant, dying, diapered old dad raised a shaky hand and said to me,
‘You see this watch? This was your great-great-grandfather’s. He was Josephine’s lover after Napoleon died, and she gave him the watch. It was on his wrist when he met with kings, bedded peasants, shot a giraffe once. It’s solid gold, handmade by Germans. See the little hologram? It’s worth a fortune ... But I want you to have it for $70.’
That old hump died with my last $38 jammed down the waistband of his pajamas. Mmmmmmmm. So take a lesson!”
I’m trying, Keith! I’m trying.
6 comments:
I don't know where Dad got the watches, but he pulled that same crap on me.
Then what'd I say?
All names, companies, cities, countries, photos, snapshots, surreptitiously-obtained audio/video, and direct quotes are used fictitiously for entertainment only. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, business establishments, events, or locales is entirely coincidental. If I say, for EXAMPLE, Keith looks funny in his pajama outfit, it’s the FICTIONAL Keith. Thank you.
This is a truly sad story. And an even darker commentary on the time in which we live. I was touched by the compassion and candor with which this topic was tackled. It must have been hard to scribe such a thing. But there are some great lessons which, by proxy, you have taught me. First, ALWAYS take the money back. He could not defend himself properly and when the panic button was hit, and he was screaming for help, you have a far better argument; the man was insane. He was talking about shooting giraffes. Who would shoot one of the most docile creatures on the planet? Roll credits. I'm not even going to touch the whole Josephine's lover or bedding peasants. That is how disease is spread. See also the 70's. Second, take the Jell-O. Bill Cosby would have been pleased. He likes the younger crowd. Third, bitches & bbq? Bill Cosby would not be pleased. Such defamatory comments. And lastly, lesson taught. Cheers.
Cosby commentary, in retrospect, was right on the money.
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